Charlie Hough 1988 Topps Revco League Leaders
“Veteran pitcher Charlie Hough only agreed to appear on this Revco card after the drugstore company promised to give him 15% off his vitamins, Fixodent, Geritol, Metamucil, and Werther’s Original.”
Rick Dempsey 1983 Topps
“Rick Dempsey was known as something of a goofball during his career but the Baltimore Orioles catcher was actually sneaky brilliant. Here he’s using his 9th inning ‘gotta pee’ stance to subconsciously get the umpire to give him close pitches for strikes to get the game over with.”
Pete Vuckovich 1986 Topps
“I’m not gonna be the one to tell Pete Vuckovich that he has a bowl-cut mullet.”
Junior Felix 1993 Classic Update Blue Travel Edition
“Mired in an 0 for 26 slump, Junior Felix got so desperate that after taking a full count borderline pitch for a called third strike, he tried to row, row, row, his way gently down to first base.”
Rob Murphy 1990 Upper Deck
“During pregame warm ups, Rob Murphy couldn’t wait to download a picture of a bikini-clad Cindy Crawford to show his teammates from this thing called the World Wide Web. After the Red Sox won the game in extra innings, all that was downloaded of the picture was Crawford’s eyebrows. Finally six hours later, well after all his teammates had left the stadium, the picture finally finished downloading as an anxious Murphy sat alone in a dark clubhouse.”
Barry Bonds and Bobby Bonilla 1990 Topps
Back when they were teammates with the Pirates, Barry Bonds and Bobby Bonilla each visited a fortune teller and subsequently got in a debate over who would have the better future:
“Hey Bobby, I’m gonna win seven MVPs and you aren’t even gonna win one!
—“Well guess what, Barry? I’m gonna win a World Series ring in a closely-contested Game 7 and you’re gonna end your career with zero championship rings!”
“You think that’s great, Bobby-Bo? I’ll break Hank Aaron’s home run record six years after your lazy butt is retired!
—“Barry, I got ya beat—I’m gonna sign a contract that will not only make me the highest paid player in the game but also fetch me a million-plus per year until I’m 72!
“Damn.”
Dave Kingman 1987 Topps
“I shudder to think what cruel prank Dave Kingman has played on some poor, unsuspecting soul to be laughing this hard.”
Kingman is remembered for being a one-dimensional slugger who hit towering home runs but struggled defensively, rarely walked, and struck out regularly while posting low batting averages. Kingman is also notorious for the cruel prank he played on Sacramento Bee reporter Susan Fornoff. In June 1986, while playing for the Oakland Athletics, Kingman sent Fornoff a corsage box with a live rat inside. The incident led to upper management souring on Kingman and was a major reason the club opted not to re-sign the slugger the following season.
Frank Zupo 1958 Topps
“During the 1950s, facial hair was frowned upon in the major leagues so some players like Frank Zupo grew unibrows as a symbol of defiance.”
Julio Franco 1990 Topps All-Star
“If you had the misfortune of lining out to Julio Franco, the second baseman would show you up by doing a goofy side-to-side dance move which was copied and popularized by MC Hammer.”
Zane Smith 1991 Topps
“Left-handed pitcher Zane Smith got so fed up with his teammates that he decided to post his grievances on a clipboard:
I. The playing of Winger & Warrant in the clubhouse must stop immediately!
II. Crop-dusting is only okay for farmers!
III. Please stop giving me hot foot when I’m on the phone with my financial advisor!
IV. Peeing in the shower is not an acceptable form of victory celebration!”
Rob Dibble 1992 Score Dream Team
“I was going to make fun of this card but then I realized there was a 0.001% chance that Rob Dibble might read this, so I decided against it.”
Gary Lucas 1987 Topps and Jim Rice 1990 Upper Deck
“First pitch? You sure, Jim?”
—“Trust me, Gary. I’m three years in the future. You hit Gedman with your first pitch in Game 5 of the ALCS.”
I’m not sure how 1986 Gary Lucas and 1989 Jim Rice are communicating between baseball cards three years apart from two different manufacturers but nevertheless here it is.
Brian Dayett 1986 Topps
“During his 1928 Presidential Campaign, one of Herbert Hoover’s slogans was ‘A chicken in every pot.’ For their 1986 set, Topps’ slogan should’ve been ‘A Brian Dayett in every pack.’”
----by John Tuberty
Follow me on Twitter @BloggerTubbs
Sources: SF Gate
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