This volume’s theme is for the 2019 Hall of Fame induction
and includes cards of new and existing Hall of Famers
“After seeing this Eddie Murray card, Tim Burton got the
idea for Eddie Cartoonhands which he eventually turned into Edward
Scissorhands.”
“Lance Bass didn’t need to try and pay the Russians to get
him up in space, all he needed was one good swing from Houston Astros slugger
Jeff Bagwell.”
“I can’t make up my mind whether it’s worse that Bobby Grich
drew just 2.6% of the vote in his sole appearance on the Hall of Fame ballot or
that Donruss positioned their card so it looks like he’s crapping out the
California Angels logo.”
“In the late 80s a lot of hitters were victims of
“Niekrophilia”, that’s when a 147-year old pitcher strikes you out with a
42-mile per hour knuckleball.”
“You don’t think I belong in the Hall of Fame. Ok, well what’s your career WAR, egghead?”
“Chipper Jones’ heart was torn in June 1990: should he sign with the Atlanta Braves who
drafted him with the 1st overall pick of the Amateur Draft or should he change
his name to Parker and join his Abercrombie & Fitch co-workers, Preston,
Ryder, and Ethan to spell out and form the boy-band PREP.”
“You sure these pants aren’t too baggy?”
-“Nah, Buddy. You
look ‘Saved by the Bell’ cool.”
Abercrombie & Fitch Employee of the Month Chipper would
say anything to make a sale—even to a fellow baseball prospect. Mariano ultimately got his revenge, beating
Jones in both the 1996 and 1999 World Series and becoming the BBWAA’s first
unanimous Hall of Fame selection.”
“If the 1998 home run chase is the symbol of the “Steroid
Era,” than George Brett’s quest to hit .400 in 1980 was the symbol of the
“Hemorrhoid Era.”
“A little known fact about Reggie’s unsuccessful
assassination attempt on Queen Elizabeth II during his disastrous comeback with
the 1988 California Angels is that it was actually not his first try at taking
out the monarch. Turns out the slugger
actually was supposed to take aim at the Queen during an Oakland Athletics home
game that was part of the head of state’s itinerary for her 1975 visit to the
Bay Area. Fortunately, the Queen had to
cancel plans to attend the ball game due to an unfortunate heckling incident
involving the Duke of Atholl and some crazed Oakland Raiders fans at the
football game the day before.”
“Mr. Lasorda...I’m a huge fan...can I please have your
auto—“
“—Hey pal, ya gonna eat the rest of that corn dog?!?”
Ladies and gentlemen, this card shows us that making
positive changes in your lifestyle at whatever age is a wise decision. It’s been about three decades since Tom
Lasorda went on his Slim Fast-fueled diet and transformed himself from being
the Los Angeles Dodgers roly-poly manager to a much leaner and healthier
version of himself. In a stark contrast
from his 1987 card, Lasorda is pictured jogging with his players on his 1992
Topps. Lasorda, who turned 91 last
September 22, is the oldest living Baseball Hall of Famer.
“Damn...they got a curse here too?”
After years playing for a Chicago Cubs franchise supposedly
doomed by a billy goat, Lee Smith thought with his trade to the Boston Red Sox
he wouldn’t have to worry about curses, hexes, and other superstitions.
“Somehow I doubt that Bryce Harper, Yasiel Puig or any of
the “Let the Kids Play” Generation would have bat-flipped on either of these
guys.”
Bob Gibson and Don Drysdale were two of the most
intimidating pitchers in the history of the game. Gibson and Drysdale wouldn’t hesitate to
brushback, knock down, or even throw at a hitter if their mood suited it. Sadly, Gibson was recently diagnosed with
pancreatic cancer. Let’s pray for a
speedy recovery for the legendary Cardinals hurler.
----by John
Tuberty
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Baseball Blog on Twitter @BloggerTubbs
Sources: Baseball Reference, PSA Cards, Beckett,
Trading Card Database
More Articles from the Funny Baseball
Cards and Silly Captions Series:
Other (More Serious) Articles by Tubbs
Baseball Blog:
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