“Lest we forget, Ollie Toews, the evil Rollie Fingers clone.”
Frustrated by his franchise’s lack of success leading up to the
1975 season, Milwaukee Brewers owner Bud Selig used mustache hair stolen
from Oakland A’s relief pitcher Rollie Fingers to create a clone he
named Ollie Toews. While the clone resembled a fairer-haired version of
Fingers—complete with handlebar mustache—it could not replicate the
relief pitcher’s success as Toews went 0-6 with a 7.24 ERA while blowing
14 of 18 save chances before being released by Milwaukee in early
August. Unlike Fingers, Toews exhibited an ornery and combative nature.
In fact, after being released, Toews terrorized the franchise for
several years—repeatedly trying to attack Bernie the Brewer and often
pelting the club’s front office employees with bratwurst and kielbasa in
the parking lot. Finally when Selig and the Brewers traded for the
real Rollie Fingers in December 1980, Ollie Toews disappeared for good.
“When the Topps photographer took Curt Schilling’s picture,
the young hurler had thought of something crude to say but would have to
wait a couple more decades before he’d have the social media forum to
offend people on a global scale.”
“Does this photo make me look arrogant? Good!”
After retiring from baseball, Scott Erickson used the photo from
this card as a publicity shot for his failed acting career. Sadly,
Erickson just missed out on roles as the evil son-in-law on Guiding
Light and as a member of the Globo Gym team in the movie Dodgeball.
It’s hard to believe the former pitcher missed out on those roles,
particularly the Dodgeball role which he would have been perfect for
because Scott Erickson is better looking than you—and he knows it!
“Houston Astros pitcher Doug Drabek was not used to crouching
down in the catching position but he quickly realized the best way to
disguise the sound of your farts was to let them go the moment the ball
met the glove.”
“I pity the poor photographer who took the picture for Dave
Kingman’s 1986 Topps and agreed to help the power-hitter use a pose
inspired by the character of his favorite TV show. Little did the
photographer know that he would be the victim of a vicious noogie and a
cruel over the head weggie by Kingman for not getting the Magnum P.I.
eyebrow raise and head tilt exactly right.”
“Mike Boddicker’s Red Sox teammates quickly found out
whenever he got that look on his face, it meant you were about to hear a
joke that you couldn’t un-hear.”
“Super Veteran cards were kind of like the Facebook ‘10-Year Challenge’ of its time only much worse.”
“If you mail this card to Jay Bell, pay the postage, and chip
in an extra $2, the former Pittsburgh Pirates slugger will not only
sign the card for you but also give you the rights to use this pose for
your online dating profile.”
“After getting his mullet haircut that morning, Don August
couldn’t wait for the game to end so he could go shopping for a neon
pink tank top, teal fanny pack, and Zebra-print Zubaz pants.”
“During the offseason, Detroit Tigers pitcher Paul Gibson played Velma in a stage production of Scooby-Doo.”
“After being the losing pitcher in both Game 6 and 7 of the
1986 World Series, Calvin Schiraldi grew a beard, went into the witness
protection program and relocated to San Diego.”
A few years ago, Schiraldi appeared on an MLB Network special about
the 1986 World Series and was very honest and open in discussing his
struggles during the Fall Classic. Schiraldi’s candidness about his
experiences during the playoffs was one of the highlights of the
special. After watching Schiraldi’s appearance, I came away with a new
respect for the former hurler.
----by John Tuberty
Follow my blog on Twitter @BloggerTubbs
Sources: Baseball Reference
More Articles
from the Funny Baseball Cards and Silly Captions Series:
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