“For their American Pie card of Darrell Evans, Topps decided
to be like your annoying relative who makes a point of dredging up some
embarrassing old picture of you such as this one of the former Atlanta Braves
third baseman going through his awkward pink-tinted glasses phase.”
“Don’t piss off the card manufacturer because they always
get the last laugh.”
What on Earth did Joe Oliver ever do to Donruss? Maybe whoever green-lighted this ridiculous
card was a big Oakland Athletics or Dennis Eckersley fan. After all, it was Oliver's walk-off hit
against "Eck" that won Game 2 of the 1990 World Series for the Cincinnati
Reds en route to their unexpected sweep over the heavily-favored Athletics.
“During his four seasons with the White Sox, department
stores in Chicago had three sizes in their Big and Tall section: XXL, XXXL, and
Luzinski.”
“Veteran Charlie Hough knew pitching for the expansion
Florida Marlins would be detrimental to his career win/loss record but the lure
of shuffleboard, bingo, and early bird specials was just a little too much to
resist.”
“I guess Topps’ idea of “In Action” was standing pigeon-toed
and staring up at the sun.”
Vida Blue had one the most memorable windups of any pitcher
which would have made for a perfect “In Action” shot but instead the young
hurler is shown awkwardly gazing at a pop up.
“Of course, the one night Seattle Mariners manager Chuck
Cottier finally agrees to go on an all-night drinking binge with wild
outfielder Gorman Thomas and wouldn’t you know, Topps was there the following
morning to snap his picture for his 1985 card.”
“I shudder to think what cruel prank Dave Kingman has played
on some poor, unsuspecting soul to have cracked this much of a smile.”
Kingman is remembered for being a one-dimensional slugger
who hit towering home runs but struggled defensively, rarely walked, and struck
out regularly while posting low batting averages. Kingman is also notorious for the cruel prank
he played on Sacramento Bee reporter Susan Fornoff. In June 1986, while playing
for the Oakland Athletics, Kingman sent Fornoff a corsage box with a live rat
inside. The incident led to upper
management souring on Kingman and was a major reason the club opted not to re-sign
the slugger the following season.
“According to Donruss, the Oakland Athletics are a National
League team.”
Willie McGee was dealt across leagues from the National
League St. Louis Cardinals to the American League Oakland Athletics on August
29, 1990. At the time of the trade,
McGee’s .335 batting average was the second-highest in the NL, trailing only
Lenny Dykstra’s .340. McGee’s bat cooled
in the AL, hitting just .274 with Oakland to finish the season with an overall
.324 average. Nevertheless, with 542
plate appearances before the trade, McGee had accumulated more than the
required 502 to qualify for the batting title.
Dykstra struggled in the season’s final weeks to finish at .325 while
Eddie Murray and Dave Magadan challenged McGee’s .335 mark but fell shy at .330
and .328, respectively. Thus, McGee’s
.335 average proved to be enough to secure him the NL batting title despite his
overall .324 average being just sixth-best in baseball. McGee’s .324 mark trailed not only Murray,
Magadan, and Dykstra from the NL but the respective .329 and .325 averages of
AL leaders George Brett and Rickey Henderson.
Ironically, Murray’s .330 mark led all of baseball but did not result in
a batting crown for the veteran slugger.
Actually, based on the back of the card, which acknowledges
McGee won the NL batting title while finishing the year in the AL, I suspect
that Donruss may have been having some fun by using a photo of McGee in an A’s
rather than a Cardinals jersey.
“A lot of people forget Hunter S. Thompson also wrote “Fear
and Loathing in French Canada.”
In this forgotten novel, Montreal Expos third baseman Sean
Berry has a seven-minute conversation with Curt Schilling’s talking fastball which
tells him his destiny is to defeat the New York Yankees in the 1994 World Series
and save the Expos franchise. Another
memorable passage involves Berry standing atop Olympic Stadium attempting to
sign autographs for a family of French-speaking pigeons. Sadly, the novel ends with a confused and
world-weary Berry operating a fruit stand in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico
after the season-ending baseball strike derails his plans.
“Unfortunately, Texas Rangers rookie pitcher Mike Loynd was
not available to be photographed for his Topps card but luckily Wax Figure Mike
Loynd was.”
“Things got so bad for the White Sox in the early ‘80s that
the club started signing fantasy camp players such as this proctologist from
Peoria.”
“I sure wish I could have been part of the 3rd grade class
Topps put in charge of airbrushing their 1973 set.”
----by
John Tuberty
Follow me on
Twitter @BloggerTubbs
Sources: Baseball Reference, SF Gate
Additional Articles
from the Funny Baseball Cards and Silly Comments Series:
Other Articles
by Tubbs Baseball Blog:
My Father’s Memories of Working with Carl Yastrzemski at Kahn’s-Hillshire Farm in the Early Eighties
